There are some conversation topics best left off the table around the holidays. We’re often taught for instance that it’s not polite to talk about politics and religion at the dinner table. And yet most of us have probably sighed our way through a holiday dinner sitting next to that one uncle who always goes there. Among these lively conversations, one topic many avoid is end-of-life planning. While it may seem like a daunting topic, the holidays are actually an ideal time to have this meaningful conversation with family.
During this festive season, when your family gathers to celebrate and share cherished holiday memories, think about sharing your end-of-life thoughts with loved ones. This time together naturally inspires reflection on the past and hopes for the future, and creates a unique opportunity to get the conversation started.
Why End-of-Life Planning is Important
Talking about a loved one’s inevitable passing may be uneasy initially. Yet, initiating a conversation about end-of-life wishes can provide comfort that comes with discussing and understanding your loved one’s wishes. Not only can it save your family from future financial burdens, but it also provides peace of mind. Although most Americans see the value in planning their funeral ahead of time, very few actually do it. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), just 17.3% of people aged 40 and above have taken this important step.
At Better Place Forests, we engage in these conversations regularly, and we’ve seen firsthand how they can bring families closer. During the holidays, when surrounded by love and warmth, families often find comfort in discussing their end-of-life preferences, transforming what could be a difficult conversation into a moment of connection.
Begin with End-of-Life Planning for Yourself
Before discussing end-of-life plans with family, reflect on some questions to get you in touch with your own thoughts and values:
- What are some of your favorite memories? (Being at my grandparent’s house, going to a nearby forest for a family hike, a family trip somewhere special)
- What is most important in your life? (Family, pets, friendship)
- How do you find meaning in your everyday activities? (Making art, being outdoors and in nature, being with loved ones, spiritual practice)
- How would you like to be remembered? (Caring and loved, at peace, connected to something bigger than ourselves)
Once you’ve gathered your thoughts, consider sharing them with your family. You might find our Comprehensive End-of-Life Planning Guide helpful. It’s a step-by-step resource that helps you start addressing key questions like what you’d want for your remains, where you wish to be laid to rest, and how to commemorate your transition.
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How to Start the Conversation with Family
When you’re ready, sharing your thoughts with family members can be incredibly helpful. Although these discussions might feel uncomfortable at first, talking about and understanding a loved one’s wishes can bring immense comfort and clarity.
Begin the conversation with your loved one(s) by talking through these prompts:
- In my final days of life, I want to be… (at home, in a care facility, surrounded by loved ones, in nature)
- I would prefer… (a viewing, a traditional burial, to be cremated, another option)
- I want my ceremony to feel… (joyful, reflective, somber, fun, traditional, reverent)
- I would like my final resting place to be… (in a cemetery, in a conservation memorial forest, wherever my family would like to visit/remember me)
For Parents: It’s important not to postpone end-of-life planning. Having a plan in place is a meaningful gift to your children, easing their burdens during challenging times. It’s crucial for adult children to know exactly what you want. That way if anything happens,they can be comforted knowing they are fulfilling your wishes.
For Adult Children It’s crucial to start these conversations with your parents. Doing so can strengthen family bonds and alleviate the discomfort often associated with end-of-life planning. Ask your parents about their wishes for when they pass if they haven’t already initiated the conversation.
This is a chance to grow closer to your loved ones. It might not happen right away, but as we break the stigma surrounding end-of-life planning, these conversations and events become much easier. Having these discussions ensures that a plan is in place, regardless of your health status or life stage. You might find the prompts in our End-of-Life Planning Checklist helpful to frame your conversation.
Planning Ahead
Having an open, heartfelt discussion about end-of-life planning during the holidays can be a beautiful thing. And congratulations if your family is able to take that step this holiday season! Transforming the conversation into an actionable plan is the next step, and it’s perfectly okay to approach it gradually.
Try ending your conversation with a few actionable steps that you and your family members will take. Even if you only manage to make one small step towards crafting a solid end-of-life plan this holiday season, you’re on the right course. Before you know it, you have an end-of-life plan that both relieves your loved ones of a future burden (no matter how far in the future) and expresses what’s important to you.
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